if i were to switch places, and see myself around you and hear myself talk about you from an outside point of view…i would think i was fucking nuts. and here’s what i would tell myself.
“what the hell is wrong with you? you’re going crazy, crying obsessing bitching about that guy?! why? he’s not even anything special, he’s not even that cute, he has such a reputation as a player, he just keeps you hanging on, he never puts you first, he sucks you in and makes you think you have a chance, and then he pulls it all away from you for some other girl. he’s hurting you. you need to walk away, you need to tell him goodbye and never look back. it’ll do you a lot of good to just forget about him.”
and i’d be right..but here’s what i would say back.
“i know i’m crazy. i know it makes no sense. and i know it might be best if i just pretend like he doesn’t exist and move on and just be done. you dont think i’ve tried? you dont think i want more than anything to never have to think about him again? i want to. i want to move on, i want to forget and i want to let him go. i dont want to need him. but i do. i need him in my life. i cant explain it. i wish people knew our whole story. i wish people knew the things we;ve been through. something in my heart tells me he loves me. something tells me that we’re supposed to be together. maybe its not right now, maybe its not tomorrow. maybe its not going to be exactly the way i think it;ll happen. but we’re supposed to be in each others lives. i know we are. watching him be with someone else is hard, but it’s so much harder to stay away. he consumes my every thought, my dreams, my every move i make. i can’t walk away from him, because he has a part of me. and i cant leave, no matter how much i might want to. because we belong together. and i will wait it out until the day i can finally call him mine.”
